Making an important decision. How do you do that? Yesterday I actually googled Ted talks about decision making and about doing dangerous things. It didn’t gave me more information than I already had and it didn’t help. I wrote down all the facts, all the risks, all possibilities and all reasons but it didn’t help me at all. This is a decision that will change my life or might become something I regret not doing when I’m older. Mostly I can use my well developed analyzing and reasoning skills but now I can’t use any of that.
When it feels like all the pieces of a puzzle fall into place, life brings you at a place where everything is perfectly organized, it’s just one step to jump and fly blind, you can freeze. Maybe it’s like bungee jumping. You know it’s safe, good organized and you can trust the bungee cord. Everything is there, you just have to make the jump. And no one will push you. You have to make the jump yourself but you can’t go forward or backwards.
I’m at the edge of a bridge and everything is ready. It’s just my choice if I take this step and jump or I don’t jump and it could become something that I could regret when I’m old. My heart beats faster, my mind is busy from morning to evening and I’m excited. Why?
I’m excited because I can go sailing as a crewmember of the 12 meter yacht Taya that is built to go around Cape Horn. The skipper Alan (right on the picture) wants to fulfill his old boys dream and has the right experience. He is prepared and the boat is more than prepared. This is confirmed by my new friend Jim Cottier, a man who went around Cape Horn three times. Alan and I go along good. He reminds me of my father and I am the same age as his daughter. Last monday I’ve met his lovely wife Catherine who told him to take a crewmember for safety reasons. If anything happens to Alan there’s someone to help him out.
Left Jim Cottier and right Alan Cresswell
Jumping on this boat would mean that I will be able to sail the boat alone after maybe two weeks, I would be able to write more, play more guitar, read more and make more photographs. I could write even more amazing stories about amazing people in this world. Not just Alan but also his wife. I could even make more people listen to what I have to say. That we should make the world a better place.
With this trip I could do what I planned to do before I left. Sailing on a boat to south America was something I wanted to do. And now the possibility is there, but I’m frozen. Why?
On this 45 to 60 days journey I could get seasick all the time, we will get storms and big waves, there can be ice bergs, the boat can role over if we get caught by a wave and worst case scenario we could lose our mast if that happens. This is something like climbing the mount Everest. It’s not fun, it’s hard work, it’s scary, it’s crazy and there is no good reason for doing this.
I’ve told Alan yesterday that I’m not going.
I’ve never crossed an ocean. I’ve just been sailing a couple of times in the Netherlands, a long time ago. It would be crazy if I go. I just have one experience offshore in a storm on a big boat to England. I’m unexperienced. And still I think about it…
I’ve seen a Ted talk of solo sailor Dame Ellen MacArthur. She sailed around the world two times and now decided to focus on the future of our global economy. If someone with such a great passion for sailing stopped, why would I start?
There is no name for this feeling and there is no way to explain why. It is just there.
New Zealand is like paradise.
But I can’t stay forever.
My goal was to travel around the world, learn and share.
So that’s what I do. I want to go, learn more, see more and…….. move towards home :).
I’m scared, nervous, excited and more scared. But I think we are going together?